Everyone knows the pain of not being in a relationship. We feel like something is missing. We feel the need for a mate. Sure, we’re okay on our own, but we are hardwired for a significant other. Sometimes the pain of not having someone is palpable, it physically and emotionally just hurts. Other times it is milder, just a background feeling of loss. You can get Relationship Problem Help here.
Then when we finally find a mate that pain goes away. We feel whole, happy, fulfilled in a deep emotional way. We are in what can be called the honeymoon phase of a relationship, the first few months when it’s all wonderful. That pain of not being in a relationship has gone away.
Then something interesting happens as we leave the honeymoon phase of the relationship. As we move into the second phase of relationship, the me/us phase, where we start to get back to our own interests and goals and separate from our mate some, some pain returns. The second phase is about having a partner and having a life, balancing relationship with the other drives of life.
In the me/us phase, we still love our mate. But perhaps they seem to be too distant, and we might start to feel unloved. Or perhaps they seem too clingy, and we start to feel smothered. Maybe they start to show up for us like they need too much space, or they are too uncommunicative. Issues arise, small or large between us. Find out more Marriage Love Advice here.
Then we start to worry, or feel pressured, or wonder if we made a mistake, or start to feel desperate for the honeymoon phase again. We have now entered into the pain of being in a relationship! Here’s a relationship insight for you: there is pain in not being in a relationship, and there is pain in being in a relationship!
Because the honeymoon phase is so fulfilling, we all tend to think our whole relationship should feel that way. But it can’t and it won’t. There is more to life than finding a mate. There are other journey’s we must take. Your intimate relationship was never meant to be the source of all your happiness.
Get this: There is pain in being in a relationship. It could be mild, like wondering if you really love your mate anymore, or it could be dramatic, like screaming ahd shouting matches.
To start with, understand that pain comes with any intimate relationship. If you are feeling the pain of loneliness or the pang of worrying about your choice in mate, it’s all right. No need to run. No need to go have an affair or end your relationship. Because another relationship will have pain too.
And another thing to understand is that you can let the pains that arise in your relationship lead you to greater understanding. You can stay in the relationship and usually work through the painful experiences. And you can both continue to mature and grow inside the pains and joys of having a partnership. You can get more How To Get Emotional Wisdom here.